Why Sexual Assault is Acceptable: Do Not Let The Title Fool You

 

Written by Jenn Sadai

 

 

 

 

 

As a woman who has been sexual assaulted by various men throughout her life, it breaks my heart that it’s more than just tolerated, it’s actually accepted. The #MeToo movement may have taken down its share of powerful men, but they were only the tip of the iceberg. Countless other well-known men have long lists of accusers, including the President of the United States, and justice is not even being sought.

When the story came out regarding Judge Kavanaugh’s attempted rape in high school, the victim instantly became the accused. Why did she wait so long to come forward? What evidence does she have that the event even took place? What’s her motive? Despite passing a lie detector, her credibility was questioned instead of his.

Sexual assault is so prevalent that almost every woman has a story. I can recall four different incidents in my own life that could be qualified as sexual assault. The first time was a boss at age 14 who repeatedly, “accidentally” rubbed up against my butt almost every time I was washing dishes. I was too young to realize it was assault and let it slide. I chalked it up to a dirty old man and did nothing about it.

When I was 17, I passed out on a couch at a house party and woke up to a classmate dry-humping me. Someone else walked in the room, screamed at him and the incident stopped before anything too damaging happened. I brushed off his behavior as being a horny, drunk teenager and did nothing about it. When I was 23, I attended a wedding with a guy who I had just started dating. I don’t remember anything that happened after I sat down at the table with my second glass of wine. I woke up naked, in bed next to him. He told me that I was too drunk to undress myself, so he did it for me. There was no evidence that something was put in my glass to cause my blackout. I ended the relationship, but didn’t pursue charges because I was never sure who spiked my drink or if it was even spiked.

When I was 33, I had a very flirtatious boss who complained about his wife and complimented my appearance often. When I was putting something away in a walk-in fridge, he tried to kiss me and I politely rejected him. I viewed the incident as being harmless until he started making my job more difficult. I couldn’t prove it was retaliation for rejecting him, so I quit my job instead.

I’m a victim of sexual assault, yet after each incident, I wrongfully deemed their behavior as being acceptable. In the same respect as so many people assume the President’s Access Hollywood tape was “locker room talk” or when drunken teenagers make grave mistakes like Brock Turner, it’s just “boys being boys.” Our society accepts that men can sexualize and exploit women without any significant consequences.

When brave women like Christine Ford come forward, they are subject to insane scrutiny and harassment. If you can’t prove beyond a doubt that the sexual predator assaulted you, your world is ruined simply because you had the courage to speak up. It hardly seems worth the trouble, when most sexual assaulters are never held accountable.

If any of the men who assaulted me in my past end up running for public office, I might have the guts to say something about their past behavior. Sadly, even if I did say something, there’s no certainty my voice would result in any real consequences. People would question why I was silent up until now.

This is why we are stuck in a world where sexual assault is acceptable. Men’s right to due process supersede a woman’s right not be sexualized and/or assaulted. We expect men to be horny dogs with little self-control and women blindly put up with it as if they have no other choice. Maybe because they don’t? My only hope is the next generation of women will be more vocal right from the start, since deep down we all know that sexual assault is in fact, not acceptable behavior. Right?

 

Jenn Sadai is a Canadian author and advocate who’s just crazy enough to think she can change the world. Jenn shares her stories of surviving domestic violence, depression, and workplace bullying in hopes that it will help others cope and heal. She is the author of Dark Confession of an Extraordinary, Ordinary Woman, Dirty Secrets of the World’s Worst Employee, and Cottage Cheese Thighs. Website

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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