There’s No Excuse For Abuse

Written by Jenn Sadai

Abuse comes in many forms, from many sources and most often, both the abuser and the victim find a way to justify it. I made up a lot of excuses for the way my ex treated me. He had a hard life; he struggled with mental illness, and didn’t mean to do the things he did. Deep down he was a good guy who couldn’t control his response to all the hardships in his life. He never meant to hurt me.

Those were the reasons he would give me the morning after an outburst. He’d apologize and I’d eagerly forgive him, assuming it would never happen again. When I was with him, I could justify all the awful things he did to me, because I was more concerned with his wellbeing than my own. I thought I was strong enough to absorb every insult and temper tantrum until it escalated into physical violence. I almost lost my life because I kept making up excuses for him.

Fortunately, I’ve since realized that there is absolutely no excuse for the way my ex treated me. No one deserves verbal or physical abuse, regardless of the frequency or severity. This doesn’t just apply to traditional romantic relationships. Whether it comes from family, friends, bosses, or co-workers, no one has the right to bully or abuse.

Save Your Self-Esteem

If someone is attacking you verbally or physically, it will have a detrimental affect on your self-esteem. Even if you’re a confident person in the beginning, cunning and manipulative abusers know how to weaken your defenses. It usually starts off slowly with playful jabs at your insecurities and builds as the abuser gains more control.

It’s critical to recognize the behavior early on and separate yourself from the situation. Don’t ever assume you can convince the abuser to change their ways. They may change temporarily, but their true self will eventually resurface. The longer you tolerate an abusive relationship, the harder it will be to break free.

There is never a good reason for anyone to verbally or physically assault you, so there’s no point trying to understand why the abuser is treating you that way. Instead, switch the internal focus on why you’re allowing the behavior to continue. Trust in your heart that you don’t deserve it (no one does) and terminate the relationship immediately. Once you’re away from the abuser, work on rebuilding your confidence, so you don’t find yourself in a similar situation again.

If you’re currently in an abusive relationship and you’re not sure how to get out of it, please ask for help. Many people have been in your shoes and are willing to help you find a way out. If you don’t know someone personally, feel free to reach out to me on social media. I know first hand that there’s no excuse for abuse. I also know how wonderful life can be without it. Everyone deserves a safe and happy life free from abuse.

 

Permission to post by author Jenn Sadai

Jenn Guest WriterJenn Sadai is a Canadian author and advocate who’s just crazy enough to think she can change the world. Jenn shares her stories of surviving domestic violence, depression, and workplace bullying in hopes that it will help others cope and heal. She is the author of Dark Confession of an Extraordinary, Ordinary Woman, Dirty Secrets of the World’s Worst Employee, and Cottage Cheese Thighs. Website

 

 

 

 

 

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