I know some people believe that you can’t move on from forgiveness until you forget. This is simply not true. Take it from me. I have had to do my sharing of forgiving to move on from my past, and it was not an easy thing to do. I went into it not expecting to forget it, but to release my anger and be at peace. Forgiveness is for YOU, your heart, and your soul. You might not forget. In fact I can tell you, you probably will not. That being said anything is possible when you move on; however, often times we heal but scars remain. Not forgetting even keeps us grounded and humble at times. Why forget something that makes you who you are. Through those tough times we now prepared for the rest of life and what is to come. In blocking it out or trying to forget, we negate the purpose of why we went through it in the first place. No matter how traumatic, we still come out of every situation with something valuable. I know it is hard to see at first, but it is there. You just have to be willing to be open to it and embrace what you need to get passed.
In accepting where we are and our path, we find that we have let go of the hurt. In the pain we also find hope to keep pushing on if we don’t give up. We can turn it into a positive or let it eat away at us. In my past I held onto a great deal of hurt, anger, and resentment for so long that it just about killed me. I let others have control over my mind and emotions so much that I was spinning out of control. My hope dwindled down to dust at that time in my life. I looked for it everywhere. I looked for it in people, in things, and in signs. It was a long period of time that I was in and out. I had good days and bad days, but I realized that regardless of my past or traumatic events, we all have those moments. We all have to forgive, we all have to hold onto hope, and we all have to get up off our ass to move on. It takes work. It does not just fall onto our laps. Don’t fear asking for help or reaching out. Don’t pull away from what you are feeling. Go through it and get through it. That is the only way. Own it. If you ignore it, it will only chase you through life.
You have to love yourself enough to take those leaps. If you blow out all your candles in the dark, it just will take longer to find your way home. When you come out, you WILL have a new journey ahead of you. I promise you that much. My journey did a complete 180 from the plans that I had set for myself. I tried to force situations and circumstances that just can’t be forced. We are all meant to do something, and we are all here for a certain purpose. If you feel that you have no purpose, you are wrong. Look in the mirror every day and tell yourself that if you have too. I live such an amazing life right now and have big plans as I used to before I became stuck in the quick sand. You can rise above it all with the right tools and techniques. Create a mantra and believe in it.
Another common thing we practice is self-pity. This is the “oh poor me” syndrome I call it or “victim mode”. We feel so sorry for ourselves that we expect others to follow suit. Why? What are you accomplishing by feeling sorry for yourself and trying to get attention of others? You know what happens when we do that? We lash out and begin to play the blame game. Nobody cares…blah blah blah. Get over that mentality. It will only bring you negative emotions and energy.
We in turn create these high expectations of those around us, even strangers. It is not acceptable to put this weight on another’s shoulders. I have seen this all over social media. I see so many young people and even adults doubting and putting themselves down to get a response. We so often need it so bad and to be accepted or loved that we try to get it in any shape or form. It is unfortunate that most of what we need is usually right in front of us. When you lose that hope, you lose everything that comes with it. You lose faith, belief, positivity, self-esteem, happiness, love, and yourself. The last thing you ever want to do is get lost within yourself. I have been there many of times, and it is a dark place to hang out.
The deeper we fall into the abyss, the harder it becomes to climb out. It is not a good place to dwell for too long. Find inspiration and motivation in what is surrounding you. There is so much of it available if you just open your eyes. Don’t become blind to the beauty in life based on the turmoil of life. There is always another person going through the same thing…if not worse. Again, reach out. Support each other. Be there for each other. In working together, it becomes a chain reaction where everybody gets what they need.
It doesn’t matter where the hope comes from. It matters that you keep it alive. This and only this will help you move on. Release whatever it is inside you that is stopping you from finding what you need to continue on your journey. It might take some time, but ALL OF US can do it.
Don’t ever be angry, jealous, or resentful of another for what you might think they have that you don’t. Why can this person do this or that and I can’t? We often see through the glass. We are not behind the doors of certain people in our lives and those we do not know. We see what we want and choose to see just as people let us see what they want and choose to let us see. You never know what another is going through, so always remember that when you are trying to figure out why everything seems so easy for everybody while you feel like a dark cloud is hanging over you.
To this day I have not forgotten a thing, but I use it to help others and make a different and advocate. I put it to good use. I don’t want to forget something that made me who I am today. The lessons I learned became my blessing and a gift, and through forgiveness, hope, and moving on, I am looking at life with my eyes wide open. BELIEVE!
Hope can be found in the smallest pebble as when those pebbles come together, they form a giant rock – Dana Jacoviello
Dana Jacoviello is a writer/interviewer, a psychology student, student affiliate of APA and NYSPA, Founder of Bullies Keep Out, works in cyber-bullying investigations, participated in a 30 Day Challenge as an expert in healing and recovery in personal growth/emotional well-being for the OM Times, & is a reporter/writer for the OM Times. Dana also works in motivational mentoring/coaching, with a strong interest in networking & social media, healing, recovery, yoga & meditation.
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